Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
