This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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