We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
