I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
