i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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