I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
