Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
