I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm too high and old for this...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
