She is in my trunk
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
