the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize