Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
