You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
