one two three fourrrrnication!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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