i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
