tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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