I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
