i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
