I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
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I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
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Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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