you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
