Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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