I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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