you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
