dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
