you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
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Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
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I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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