Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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