Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
