If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
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Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Someone signed my nipple.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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