why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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