Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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