We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
