I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
