I hate your face
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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