I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
