Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
