its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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