Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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