Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
