We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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