i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
