No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
