Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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