yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
