Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
