I love watching others lives come down to our level.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Someone came in the potted fern
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
