She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
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