I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
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Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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