I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
