he shaved USA in his pubs
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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