happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
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