He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
