i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
