he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
