I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
