Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
