I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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