Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
