I like my sex mixed with concussions.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
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I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
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I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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