Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
