woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
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He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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