your parents love me but you hate me
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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