please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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