I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
